I am missing something…? It seems like the theme is “men don’t understand their own feelings, so they avoid them, out of fear, which they cannot name, also because of fear, which leads to masturbation, because he can only understand and perform sexually in fantasies (that are the opposite of his wife) - where he’s in total control” and he chooses to live like this, alienate his partner and potential children rather than have a conversation or privately seek out therapy/read a book, learn names of feelings?

At what point does he learn the words for “misery” and decide he can improve his circumstances? He has a lot of agency in this situation, most women involved with such a man will be begging for couples counseling.