If I read one more cheery official magazine/published or media article about women needing to “advocating for themselves medically” without really understanding how doctors, their support staff and gatekeepers, your own family members, and people in general act as (unless you are Kate Middleton) as if you are likely inventing symptoms or seeking unmerited attention (whatever that means, apparently it’s a red flag to request medical help from a doctor) - it gets nasty fast!

I have come to the conclusion that this is a feature rather than a bug: people don’t want to 1. Be inconvenienced by other peoples pain, nor do they want to come to terms with the fact that they are bad people because of this.

Because they are turned off by the medical issue, and don’t want to help, or, god forbid, do extra work/fear it may cost money, they shit on the person who (in their mind) should be shutting up about their tedious problems, and “being negative” or “needy.” If you are an advocate for yourself bc of a chronic medical condition, and you additionally have boundaries necessary for self-care, you will be attacked repeatedly by people who believe that you feel you are the “queen”. Because there is also a flip side to (particularly gendered) a woman even making an inquiry about assistance: many people believe that acceptance of their help means that you no longer have rights to your own boundaries.

You cannot even ask for emotional support after a hospitalization without many people feeling entitled to very intimate medical details to share randomly as gossip. It’s a real thing.