I’m sorry you had a mother like this: you’re not alone, but as someone else with an abusive mother who treated me very differently than she treated my siblings, you compare the abuse you receive to the kindnesses they do and feel invisible and crazy.

People you may disclose this to usually don’t believe you. They say “your mom loves you in her way/is doing the best she can or, the kicker: I’m sure it seems like that to you, but…(usually some bs about understanding when you’re a mom).

In the 90’s (and probably many older therapists still) I had a therapist (!!!) who did not believe me, when I’d sought out professional help specifically to recover from childhood abuse!

People with an authoritarian belief system struggle to recognize abuse, as what healthy people consider a terrible behavior/outcome is just one of many disciplinary techniques a person with more power employs to impose their will on another, with less power. In fact, those pathetic (and constant) power struggles are how they determine “leaders.”

It’s a feature, not a bug.

Unsolicited advice warning (pls disregard if not useful): If you love your monochromatic look, keep it! If you decide you want to change it up, you can always do that too. Have you considered buying a gorgeous, all grey or charcoal ensemble? When (sorry to invoke her but) Kim Kardashian started wearing neutral, monochromatic outfits (I’m recalling some nude and makeup/flesh tones) she went from looking attention-seeking to radiating confidence and elegance. Also, I feel like a nude pump/high heel is a miracle shoe for me, esp with a beautiful black trouser. Living your meaningful life with intention and loving yourself is the best revenge, and if you’re doing it right…it’s not revenge. 💕