It’s really difficult when your husband behaves this way, for years. It’s not until you live like this that one understands how devastatingly lonely it is, and how confusing the stonewalling is. It’s also hard to say if his fear of a diagnosis is bc he’s a narcissistic, fearful of diminished status, or if he’s resisting a label for a Dx there’s no fix for. All you know for sure is that he has absolutely no intention to change his behavior: he expects YOU to understand that he feels that this is what you deserve and it’s all you’re getting from him.
He’s willing to spend 24 hours planning clever answers to make you appear foolish to a therapist rather than actually giving a shit about you experiencing an emotional reaction to a lived experience. For a man who shows contempt (that’s an emotion BTW) about your emotions, and such fear and avoidance (strong emotional driven behavior may I point out?) about attending marriage counseling, is fearful (emotion) about divorce…he has quite a few emotional issues. He projects them onto other people, and uses dismissive language “pointless waste of time” “I don’t believe in therapy, it’s for weak/crazy/female people” - BUT. Don’t be fooled. He’s purposely burdening you with his lack of emotional literacy, on top of his likely psychological issues.
Have you considered changing strategies? Perhaps consider stop asking for his input and thoughts. Tell him (since he claims he’s so much better than regular humans he doesn’t have them feelings) that things are going to happen according to your preferences in certain situations: don’t explain or apologize, he’s not your father! If he asks/balks say, are your control freak OCD’s acting up again, sweetie? Do I need to make an appointment for you? And see if then, he starts realizing he does have emotions. It’s easy to remain calm cool and collected when you know how to make your wife lose her shit easily and YOU keep the upper hand!