The important conversations in my (white) family are silent/tacit, or had behind the subjects back, agreed to by the people who will be taking action (usually exclusionary or actively against) and by the time you realize you’ve been shunned or demoted, everyone knows but you and the situations past/over and it’s irreparable. As far as I know, that’s how all white family systems operate. One crazy drunk uncle and drama mama is allowed to act as a distraction to keep your eyes off the real power brokers (the ones with the most money are allowed opinions, “bc if you’ve got money, you must’ve done something right!”), but you know who they are, and junior members are controlled by fear.

There is no talking. No one cares what you think, you are told “it’s not all about you”, and that “I also knew everything when I was your age.” Even if you’re almost 45 years old.

That’s why they like and understand and vote Republican, hate cancel culture, love the My Pillow guy, etc.